There’s a mold that has been created. Long before I got here there was a definition. There were boundaries and fences. There’s a cast that should pattern me. There’s a path that has been in sculpted for me as a woman, a pastor, a single mother, a divorcee. Many before have walked on it. It is expected that I comply.
They try to mask their surprise, their indignation even, when I mention one of the parts of me that they may not approve of. Some are brave enough to ask why I am the way I am. They want an acceptable explanation as to why I am divorced and how I still preach. They also may ask if I feel condemned, preaching about things I’ve failed in. I laugh. Now, I laugh; a loud belly laugh. I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that what I’ve been through is not what defines me. In fact, I bring my own definition of circumstances and identity. My internal conversations have been calibrated by the renewal of my mind.
I’m defiant. I completely refuse to cooperate with the lie that I can only be a minister if I’m married. I refuse to give ear to every voice that wants to cage all of me up with the standards of frail theorization. I run hard against the grain if it’ll cost me my Identity. I shall not be submissive to humanistic ideologies of what I should be like. I reject every notion that my son shall not turn out great! I stand proud because if no one stands with me, then I’m a trailblazer.
I defy the odds. I have battled deeply with asthma and depression. I have battled my pain born from my own weaknesses and hurt caused by people close to me. I have braved severe financial downturns and hard times of loneliness. Many times I have felt like the odds were neatly stacked against me. I have complained and murmured because I’ve had countless days of feeling like there’s a target on my back. But in the end, I come out.
I am born of The Man of War. In the battle lines, I stand under the shadow of his wings. I am safe. At the rising of the consuming fire, I am victory.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Ephesians 6:10