“Who are you?” She asked again, gently.
It emerged in the course of our session that I had no idea who I was. I only defined myself by my roles.
I had a great childhood. The greatest bit of my childhood wasn’t really the playing with the neighbourhood baby squad, going out to all sorts of fun places with my family or awesome TV even if they were all wonderful. My favourite part of growing up was the fact that I was an exceptionally brilliant kid, in school. I noticed everyone gave me affirmation around my performance. So I grew up believing that if I was any kind of good, it was only because I was gifted, academically.
I carried this mindset into my adulthood.
Check my bio. I’m a mother. I’m a counsellor. I’m a pastor.
“If you didn’t have those roles, who would you be?” She asked.
I stared blankly at her.
“What do you like about yourself?”
“That I’d really like to be a decent mother, an effective pastor and have deep and meaningful relationships”
She laughed. “What you like, not what you’d like”
“Is there anything about you that you like about you that’s not tied to what you do?”
I thought about it for a second, “uhhmm…maybe. I don’t know, my son?”
“Honey, is it possible that you’re healing lies in discovering who you are in God? The day you find that revelation, everything will change in an instant.”